Recession-Proof Investments

As I watch the value of my investments whither, lament my diminishing net worth, and listen to news of worse to come, I am gladdened to remind myself that among my many ventures I deigned to own a little boat.

Though her value tallies poorly on my accountant’s balance sheet, whenever I am cast off from the dock and under a press of sail, the dividends come tumbling in. The follies of greed, avarice, and envy vanish in her wake. I am lifted free of all petty concerns. She is the lifeboat for my body, mind, and spirit.

As for the accountants, financial advisors, and other bean-counters, I say damn their eyes! She is my one truly recession-proof investment.